Did you punch her in the throat? Because you were well within your rights to do so. Pregnant ladies get away with a lot of things.

I think I was too shocked that she would be so tactless. Then she had the audacity to touch my stomach and ask me when my little girl was due. I told her I was having a boy and she again responded with, 'are you sure?'.

/headdesk

One thing I had no problem letting people know while I was pregnant that it was Permission Only to touch the belly. That woman would have been in the possession of bloody stumps had she done that to me.

I'm sorry. People suck.

I also suggested throat punching. It's a good way to shut a bitch up.

Okay, I'm sorry, but
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That's hilarious! I haven't laughed like that in a long time... thank you.

I remember one time when I was preggo with Taran and I went over to my mom's, and she saw me and smiled and declared, "Ooooh! You're getting FAT!"

She was thrilled. I was mortified.

My mom said something similar, but not quite so excitedly. She mentioned that my belly sticks out further than my boobs now.

Yeah, but at least it's because you HAVE A CHILD GROWING IN IT.

Possible Replies for Future Encounters
(and, sadly, there will be...people is dumb):

1. It's a dragon in there! Rawr!

2. It's not twins...anymore. One ate the other. It's Nature's way.

3. *burst into tears and point in their face*

4. Spit. Then, spit again.

1 and 2 are made of win! However, 4 does have a certain way about it that I like.

I hate it when people ask me if I'm having twins. When are you due again?

You ARE having twins, love. *smirk*

Exactly! It's like... is there a neon sign? Am I SOOOO freaking humongous that it's obvious there's either two babies in there, or (oops) I swallowed an inflatable raft again...

I told you to stop doing that. *rolls eyes* Tell everyone it's an allergic reaction. A really bad bee sting.

Other possible quips...

"why, yes, it is twins. I just wish I knew who their daddy is. *sigh* Maybe after they come out, we can go on that Maury Povich show and he can get all five of the guys in there for one of them...paternity tests."

or

"we were going for 8, like that one show on tv...but my husband is a horrid underachiever"

or

"actually, I'm not pregnant, I'm trying to shoplift. Thanks for pointing it out. I might have managed to make it all the way out of the store with the entire tool section shoved in my expandable pants...but now I'll never know, will I?"

I'm liking the first option the best. I"ll have to remember that. :)

July 31st.